then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
