There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
