haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
