It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
