I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
