fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
