we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
