So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
