Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
