i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Green mimosas i think yes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
