Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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