Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
