I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
