is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
