thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
