No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
