Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
