I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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