party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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