this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
