I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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