when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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