no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
