remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
