I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
