Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
