Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
