At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
