I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
