I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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