Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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