Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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