Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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