Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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