Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
