the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
