Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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