no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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