he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
