sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
