He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
