I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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