i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
