Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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