my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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