we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
