K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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