I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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