I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
