apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
