NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
