I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
