she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Randomize
