I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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