i was born a porn star she said
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
