Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
