If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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